Passive aggression is as old as the human race. But, it is far more common in our day and age than it was a century ago.
Our modern world tends to stifle the traditional outlets for aggression. This drives people into being passive on the outside, because they’ll be punished if they aren’t, and aggressive on the inside. Our modern society is full of secret hate
Passive aggressive behavior is the expression of those secret hates.
On the one hand, the person appears passive, yet, on the other, they work tirelessly to undermine other people. What would have been expressed as a violent outburst a hundred years ago and be over with, is now a continuous action that goes on day after day, and builds and builds. This is why so many mass murderers and serial killers are passive aggressive. “Oh, he was such a nice guy, I can’t believe he’d do such a terrible thing.” Has been said about many a passive aggressive that turned killer.
Here are some indications of passive aggressive behavior that are easy to spot.
- Talking in generalities such as, “they think,” “they say” and “everybody knows.” When the passive aggressive is questioned, “everybody” turns out to be a single person or completely imaginary.
- Becoming cheerful or upbeat when seeing another person suffer. Conversely, becoming sullen and unhappy when other people are happy or successful.
- Consistently placing personal needs above the needs of others and becoming angry and accusing people of “being selfish” when they refuse to comply with demands.
- Consistent complaining that they have been harmed “look what you did to me” while quietly trying to control and undermine others.
- Quietly trying to get other people to engage in destructive or illegal acts.
- Giving gifts for the purpose of putting a person under control because that person now, “owes them.”
- Attempting to break up friendships or marriages or engaging in other acts that isolate people and make them more vulnerable.
- Lying about people around them.
- Engaging in gossip and rumor mongering.
These certainly aren’t the only indicators of a passive aggressive personality, but they are easy to spot.
Here are some things you should not do around a passive aggressive personality.
- Don’t keep a journal of everything they say and then confront them when they contradict themselves. This is guaranteed to make you rise to the top of the passive aggressive’s Enemy List.
- Do not try to force a passive aggressive into a corner, just to win an argument. They can turn aggressive very quickly.
- Don’t bother trying to talk sense or make agreements. Passive aggressives don’t make sense and agreements were made to be broken.
- Don’t take what the passive aggressive does personally, he or she does the same things to everybody else.
The tendency is to fight back. After all, you don’t deserve to be treated this way.
he problem is that passive aggressive people are at war with the world and will take any counter attack as proof that you are at war with them. They are fighting a long ago battle that they lost and are now perpetually trying to win.
The best way to handle a passive aggressive person is to see that they get professional therapy.
If that’s not possible, then get away from them at the earliest possible opportunity and stay away.